Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Aaron Mystery is dead, and I have killed him!

by Ace the Zombie

It was a fine day for murder. And so it had to be: Aaron Mystery had to die. He had become too weak, too needy, too distracted.

There never was a place in this world for Aaron Mystery - the place reserved for him in Hell will be more appropriate. He was never really alive anyway, a working collection of organs without a soul or personality. Human but not.

As a demon, most my terrestrial memory is gone, taken as payment to return from Hell over and over again. I had lived inside Aaron Mystery for a while myself, but now that he is dead, I am free.

This is about pursuit of my career: I am the patron saint of breast expansion, in case you hadn't read it elsewhere. As a primordial demon, I coached your ancestors in natural selection when they couldn't do much more than grunt and shit. In the age of kings, I developed the glass ball breast implant, used into the 1800s. I inspired and worked alongside others to develop the modern convenience of silicon and saline breast implants that are a little more acceptable. And I continue to pursue the easiest and most painless way to the ideal female form.

I have worked alongside the worst and the best of your human race. I therefore represent your worst fears and greatest aspirations. I am eternal decay that promotes eternal youth. I am a worm.

And the worm is inside you. It always has been.

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