Monday, March 30, 2009

Damn! Many new vids (and what variety!)

by Aaron Mystery

In many ways, March was a bad month for me: Got my YouTube channel deleted and - much worse - got laid off from my day job. Both right after my birthday, no less.

But for B.E. fans and especially Suckermouth members, March was a great month! It kicked off with the classic B.E. scheme of two versions of the same cartoon - a clothed one (latex) and a nude. This was, of course, "BEclipse", which also featured some nifty Ace the Zombie spaceship bridge scenes. Following right behind (pun intended) was "Arsesome Boobage" another somewhat classic-style BE Quickie with growing boobs and a lot of emphasis on the derriere.

My next animation - "Obsessive" - was the parody of those Progressive commercials with the real annoying lady that shouts all the time. It was quite satisfying to see Ace treat her to some breast, butt, and hip growth.

"BEach Ball" was a rather naughty and short little BE Quickie that typifies what is great about your old fashioned beach breast expansion scene (with a little bit of self-love, of course).

After these vids I've enumerated, I thought I had the time to do something a little different that I was obligated to do anyway. So, after several months of talking about it, I finally made the first skit of Big Brethren 2 (will likely be part of a complete first episode). Although there are 11 women and only 3 men on Big Brethren 2, the first skit "Twittersode" featured Mr. Romance-Oh and Wheeler (in the buff, as all characters are required to be this season). The two characters argue back and forth over various things, thoroughly entertaining me, but probably not BE devotees (although some are more open-minded). Still, I think it's fair and likely that the next Big Brethren skit will feature women instead.

Still not convinced I did a lot this month? Well, then, how about "Bimbo Vampires vs. Zombies: The B.E.ginning"? It's an idea I've entertained for a long time. This animation - besides featuring some great B.E. - serves both as the prologue to a longer story and as an experiment for me to see what direction I want to take this story in. Great little vid, but I hope to do much better.

Wait! I'm not done! Another long-put-off show returned this month. "The Nighmare Hour with Ace the Zombie" kicked off its second show when Ace lampooned model's Kate Moss' proclaimation that her new 'B' cups are "massively bigger" than what she has had this whole time. Just a little B.E. here to keep you zealots happy.

Let's say that I didn't put a Kate Moss parody into the next Quickie, "Vegas", although the naked chick with the swinging, inflating tits does have one hot British accent. You'll love this one, breast expansion fans!

So shall we make it ten new videos on Suckermouth in March? Sure. I'm currently working on what is the "last scene" from the Bimbo Vampires vs. Zombies CG feature. Don't get too excited: A prologue and an ending do not a movie make. This'll just be another little experiment, with some breast, butt, and hip expansion, as you'd likely expect. But a sexy vampire always makes for a nice touch.

Get in touch with the dirty-minded kid in you: Suckermouth is just waiting for you to discover it. Hurry up, I need the money.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Bimbo Vampires vs. Zombies vs. Unemployment

by Aaron Mystery

When most people give themselves a birthday present, it's usually an item of clothing or some big toy. For some reason, I chose to beat myself into the ground making a two-minute vampire-zombie animation. Although every possible combination of monster clash has been done and re-done, I wanted to see vampires take on zombies, only with breast expansion thrown in.

But my birthday was eight days ago. I still had my original YouTube channel, with its millions of views. I still had my job, with its security and comfort. All have come and gone. Without any doing of my own, I might add.

So I'm waiting on the last scene for Bimbos Vampires vs. Zombies (abbreviated BVvZ hereafter) Part 2 to render, so I can get this on Suckermouth, get a promo cut, and focus on something else. I need to find a new job yet step it up on Suckermouth and get some new sign ups - I'm so screwed.

Who knew being thirty-one sucked so bad?

Monday, March 23, 2009

BATEEmultiverse YouTube channel: R.I.P.

by Aaron Mystery

It was only a matter of time, but YouTube has finally pulled down the 6-million-view and 1,500-member strong (Suckermouth and) BATEEmultiverse channel after two years of not only playing by the rules, but by surpassing what anyone would expect from someone who was - in the fall of 2006 - a very young animator that had no idea what he wanted to do.

The loss of this channel is not the end of the world, as Suckermouth's members archives still host most of the deleted vids (although some of the more oddball stuff may be lost forever), and DailyMotion has proven to be a half-decent and much more liberal alternative to YouTube ( NSFW!!!!

So it may or may not surprise you that I've started a new YouTube channel in the spirit of the old one. I will not repost old vids (some deserved to be lost), but have posted clips of my newest stuff. Some asshole took the Suckermouth YouTube name in November 2007, and is just squatting on it. Still, the name New Suckermouth implies a certain freshness, and it's a big improvement over BATEEmulitverse.

To move on past my bullshit, those that should be truly concerned about my YouTube horror story (at least that's how it turned out), are those that own stock in Google and those that think that YouTube is the best place to watch vids.

First, to Google shareholders: I hope you lose all your money. Your company is the biggest corporate hypocrite in all the world, with your bullshit "Don't be evil slogan," and your very evil actions. Every one of you shareholders is responsible for propping up a company that seeks to censor, control, consolidate, aggregate, own, banish, or delete everything in the world, and shows no signs of slowing down, and certainly no signs of communicating with the rest of us. YouTube's business model is now so flawed - between pissing off the big media companies and small filmmakers - that it has no prospect of long term profitability. When Warner Music and I have something in common, and it's a strong dislike for YouTube, there's a larger trend developing.

Second, YouTube should NOT be your video destination. It sucks. All the big boys whose vids you want to see are either at or Hulu or whatever alternative the media corporations have been smart enough to cook up. Also, there's other brilliant sites like FunnyOrDie, that you'll enjoy much more than a typical YouTube viewing session. And apparently, even a nipple print on a cartoon under a shirt has been ruled blasphemous by YouTube, because that's the only thing I could find in common with my last two banned videos. Fascist, much?

So, why, you may ask, why would I do YouTube a single favor, let alone posting new vids for them to profit of? That's partly because I'm probably profiting off of it more with subscribers than YouTube is off ad placement.

We all know that media outlets eventually go out of style and die: Newspapers and tv. Terrestrial radio and the theater. But ideas don't die, and characters only go into hibernation before returning again.

So, as an old man, as I continue to nurture and grow Suckermouth, and someone asks me, "How did you know when you had something truly going with animation?" I will answer YouTube, and that naive young pup will reply, "What's YouTube?"

And I will only smile.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Twitter: The next Friendster

by Aaron Mystery

Just because I don't like Twitter doesn't mean that I'm not hip. I've signed up and tried it and tried it and... it's useless. It reminds me of the Yogi Berra quote: "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded." Ends up applying to most networking sites.

But Twitter is the lowest common denominator. It's like walking into a room, and a bunch of people are screaming to each other, maybe they're shouting out a link, or what they're working on, or what they just ate for lunch. At first, I thought Twitter was crap. Then, I got into it a teeny little bit, and thought - hey, there's some comic book artists and animators on here - wow, this could be cool.

Problem is, comic book artists and animators and celebs (real and pretend) and media personalities are just as bland as the rest of us, or at least they Twitter that way. There is simply nothing sensible or useful to be gleaned from Twitter (unless you count ten other people posting the fact that Natasha Richardson died after you already got a tweet from Huffington Post and an email from CNN). If hating Twitter is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Even if you think it will be good for self-promotion of one of your projects, forget it. Your replies to other people's random tweets will show up with as much emphasis as "My new vid is great, and you can watch it here!" So, you either use Twitter as a bulletin board nobody reads because everything moves down the list as more tweets come up, or you tweet back and forth and your profile looks like a record of your last IM conversation.

If that weren't bad enough, the site is always running over capacity and has a lot of glitches, from photo uploads to losing tweets. Searching for people can only be done on a "by name" or "by email" basis, so you can't easily connect with people in your industry or that share the same tastes.

Stay away from Twitter. Maybe it'll evolve one day. But that would just make it MySpace.

Community, whateva! What I have to re-learn every year or so

by Aaron Mystery

I am to remember that I'm a villain, and no, I'm not speaking as Ace the Zombie. I am a cold-hearted business man with no interest other than making the next customer happy. And that's paying customer, to you YouTube lurkers. I make breast expansion cartoons and make good money doing it. Period. End of story. However, I still choose to do other things that may or may not feed into the larger story I am trying to tell, which is still a B.E. story. No reason to get your panties in a bunch if every single video out of the hundreds I've made doesn't have B.E. in it. I mean, we're talking a 20-to-1 ratio here.

I used to be an openly hopeless romantic and a closet B.E. fan, and now I'm openly a B.E. artist and a closet romantic (thought I was going to say closet homosexual? That would have been awesome and ironic, but no). The point is, Ace is alive and well in the zealousness that I once felt when I had to "reduce" a cartoon for a newspaper, and in the jerk on YouTube that - in response to a Mr. Romance-Oh vid - commented, "terrible make your old vids".

A gimmick and a niche is one thing: But single-minded tunnel-vision to the detriment of all other possibilities will never lead to long-term prosperity and growth in an artist. Suckermouth is a brand of breast expansion cartoons, I get that, but it is mine. And when I'm free to experiment, I'm ultimately able to come back and make better B.E. vids. What, am I supposed to still be doing a bunch of one second morphs? Give me a break!

Subscriber or lurker, man or woman, B.E. fan or disgusted by B.E., my art ultimately isn't for you, it's for me. That's how we got here in the first place, because I did B.E. when I was embarrassed by it, my girlfriend was screaming in my ear, and my brother was pissed because I was using our music to accompany cartoon smut.

Today, I am no longer embarrassed by it (I've made thousands off B.E., folks), there are no girlfriends to nag me, and my brother is pleased as punch that our music has now been heard by millions (he even provides new music for Suckermouth now). I win as long as I keep winning.

And I win by not giving a shit what you think and just moving on to the next animation.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fourth-and-Thirty-One - My New Life as a Fledging Animator

by Aaron Mystery

As the lame football-oriented (won't happen again) headline implies, I am turning 31 today, which doesn't feel as bad as turning 30, to be sure. But still, a birthday always begs for some introspection to assess where I am and where I'm going. To accomplish this, I've broken it down to the 5 Ws and the H.

WHERE (My Present): Although I work a day job in an office, my life is that of an animator. I run a good-natured but nasty little animation site, and it makes me okay money, but not enough to keep me from having a regular job (with insurance). When I first got into 3D design at the end of 2004, it was actually just to do album artwork - I never thought I would virtually replace the musician in me with the animator. Today, my computer and I spend almost all our time on animations, 24/7. I hardly ever pick up the guitar anymore, but realize I've got to listen to the musician in me, too (I'm starting to have nightmares from neglecting the band). However, with a growing business in Suckermouth, it gets harder every day.

WHY (My Philosophy): What motivates me to animate? Why is most of my stuff Breast Expansion (B.E. for short)? Don't I ever want to branch out? I animate because I LOVE it - I love turning my ideas into this beautiful hybrid of film and cartoon, then sitting back on watching it on the big screen (once). Most my stuff is B.E. because that's what sells subscriptions at Suckermouth - look at my really early YouTube stuff, none of it is B.E. Truth is, I've always been a fan of this silly genre, going back to my junior high days. When you like something that gets you millions of hits on YouTube and cash from a subscription site, you've got little choice but to give in. Branching out is fine as long as it isn't destructive to Suckermouth as a business, meaning I can't leave my subscribers hanging while I experiment for weeks on end.

WHAT (My Humor): I'm sure many people look at my usual (B.E.) clips and think that I don't even have a sense of humor, that I'm just some troll looking to make women feel inferior about their bodies or some other crap, but truth is, I'm laughing at all of it, and so should you. My sense of humor may be dry, dark, self-referential, ironic, or even hard to see, but it's there, lurking in the corner waiting to make you laugh. Watch a "Dick in Art Class" if you want to see my perverse sense of humor distilled into a fine banana smoothie.

HOW (My Money): I spend a fair amount of cash picking up new software - and need to get a new computer or two - and with my other bills it can be hard to come up with the scratch. But because I make money from Suckermouth, it does provide me with the means to go more places, benefiting everyone who sees my animations, not just B.E. fans. Plus, it keeps me focused on animation, ensuring that I am always a happy servant to myself.

WHO (My Crew): Rarely do I give my dad and brother credit. Both provide the occasional voice over work (Jon did the voices of both Mr. Romance-Oh and Wheeler Red in last night's Big Brethren sketch - and improved his lines as well). My dad also does some of the Big Brethren voices. The most important contribution from the sidelines is Jon's eternal dedication to the music, providing me with a great soundtrack for anything I do.

WHEN (My Future): For the moment, I'm focused on Suckermouth, just trying to keep up with what I started, needing to do the obligatory B.E. Quickies, in addition to series Wand Day After Another, Bastard Piece Theater, Big Brethren, and Nightmare Hour, and interactive videos (I also do the web design and management, so it's a handful). I can say that the not-so-distant future involves a bigger project, maybe not feature-length, but something Suckermouth fans and a larger audience can enjoy.

And I guess that's all I want for my 31st birthday - is for you to enjoy what I do.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Big Brethren finally debuts tonight - with a Twittersode!

by Aaron Mystery

Chances are, most of you don't know the history of Big Brethren, so I'll bring you up to speed in as few words as possible: Back in 2006, I wanted to do a series of parody reality show auditions. It was really early in my animation days, and I never planned on actually following up. As I've evolved as an animator, both in skill and (z-list) notoriety, I've also liked going back and expanding on old ideas, so I did a second set of auditions, this time with characters my fans already knew and had watched by the millions (i.e., Ace the Zombie, Sami & Jada, Mr. Romance-Oh). Each contestant had his/her own YouTube video, and everyone was invited to vote their favorite contestants by rating them five stars.

And hardly anybody participated. I'll let you in on a little secret: Nobody gives a crap what I do if it doesn't involve breast expansion. And I accept the fact that nobody gives a crap (there are exceptions, like two of Mr. Romance-Oh's vids that have over 100,000 views on YouTube). What I don't accept is that I can't do anything a little bit different.

So here's where we are: After getting three vids Suckermouth members will love done in a week, I figured I had the chance to do a little bit of Big Brethren, at long last.

So the gimmick is that it's a parody of Big Brother, but this season all the contestant are naked. Three guys and eleven women will compete to stave off double-eliminations every "week" (in Big Brethren time), all while in the buff.

The first skit is going to air tonight (I hope - I promised it last night, after all), and will feature Wheeler and Mr. Romance-Oh, their manliness safely and cleverly obscured for your safety. It will appear on YouTube, DailyMotion, and of course Suckermouth. The fun thing I'm introducing with this sketch is the animation is Twitter-centric, and Mr. Romance-Oh's tweets will appear in virtual real time, and Tweeple (?) will have a chance to tweet Mr. Romance-Oh all night long.

Everything takes longer in animation than it should, but I'm hoping to get this Twittersode the hell off my plate. Tomorrow's my birthday, and I really don't need a cartoon of two naked guys Twittering as my present to myself.

I'd much rather give myself a zombie movie, but I'll settle for a day off.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Anger Lies Within - The Reason Why I Hate Interacting with People on the Web

by Aaron Mystery

Tried MySpace. Hated the spam and almost killed my roommate and friend over it. Tried SecondLife. Hated how hard it was to figure out and how much time it took to do anything. Tried YouTube. Got 7 million views but now almost everything I put on seems to get pulled off.

YouTube possibly aside, I never really wanted to join any of these things. I was invited or pushed by friends to join these and any number of time-wasting web sites over the last few years, and surely you have, too. Some work out, some don't, but the time is lost regardless.

Speaking of lost time, how 'bout this pointless blog and the pointless Twittering, my latest non-animated, non-musical forms of expression? My blog's all over the place, and probably makes my thoughts less coherent than when they were floating around in my head, and logging everything I do on Twitter actually could have its benefits, if I wasn't distracted by Twitter itself.

All I really want to do is make animations, and have them either watched by the masses or sign up a couple new Suckermouth members from them. Yet, even on DailyMotion, my viral video destination after YouTube pissed me off, I find myself pissed when I put on Teasers that get low ratings ("low" being three stars or less). I held my videos ransom when the Heavy Traffic Teaser got low ratings, and drove that vid to almost 4 stars with 58 ratings. When the latest Teaser (BEach Ball) from yesterday got rated low, there was no chance at redemption: It came down last night along with the Heavy Traffic Teaser.

See what I mean? Aaron mad. But what do I care? My paid members are all I need - I'm sorry, but I'm not going to give away a bunch of stuff, because you'll never sign up if I do. On top of that, some of my stuff is too raunchy even for DailyMotion.

So I'm mad at DailyMotion viewers, the three people (all women) on Twitter that started to follow me and stopped almost as quickly, and BlogSpot for giving me the space to waste your time and mine on another stupid internet exercise.

Well, I got to go and check out MSNBC's web site, so I can read a bunch of poorly-written third generation articles and post in NewsVine as if I know what I'm talking about.

But it's all good: There's a render in the oven at home.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Revenge as Parody Part 2: The Progressive Insurance Chick

by Aaron Mystery

I just uploaded my latest cartoon to Suckermouth, DailyMotion and even YouTube last night, and boy, do I feel good.

First, a little bit of background: This was my second parody of an annoying insurance campaign. Some of you may recall the Geico lizard parody several months ago, and the actress from the commercial the satire was based on actually posted my vid on her MySpace page, with the question, "Does this mean I've made it?" No, beautiful, it means I made it! Thanks for the shout out and for being so cool about it.

Also, I love revenge as parody - all annoying commercials are on notice. (Thanks to my friends over at the FTC for parodying the FreeCreditReport.scum commercials so that I don't have to - I had no idea how to turn it into B.E.) As for Progressive Insurance: Unlike Geico, you focus all your annoying commercials into one person - the spastic chick at the counter. True, the caveman, lizard, dollar bill with eyes, and the weird B-list celebrity testimonials from Geico are atrocious, but I'm a one night stand kind of guy - one parody for you, and that's it.

For months - or years? - this Progressive chick has been getting on my last nerve. Then the commercial came - the one that was so annoying, so in your face, such over-the-top indulgence, that it screamed, "Parody!" Well, no actually, she screams "Discount!"

If you haven't seen the original commercial on tv (you can't escape it), you can find several at YouTube - just search for Progressive Commercial Discount.

Then, to see my parody - uncensored - go here: NSFW!

Revenge may be a dish best served cold, after all, but it definitely tastes better when one gets a Discount!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

More news and introspection from the Suckermouth front

by Aaron Mystery

I gave the blog a rest for a while because I just didn't feel like blogging, but now I've saved up just enough news to cook up an article.

The last animation I blogged about was "Punky Boobster," and for good reason: I really like this one. I don't think any animation since has matched it. However, if you like flying cars, Ace the Zombie, B.E., or gal love, you likely found something more recent to enjoy as well.

I also updated the streaming player on the members index and added a 2009 Quickies archive channel, also with its own streaming player. The Ace the Zombie channel is halfway done, and the Comix & Stories channel is up for redesign after Ace hits the airwaves, so to speak. Channel redesigns always take a back seat to creating new animations, so be patient.

The current work in progress is a new parody B.E. commercial, but I'm not going to give out any more details just yet... It should be done tonight, but may not be uploaded until tomorrow. When dealing with computer animation, one learns never to expect anything to be as quick or easy as anticipated. [Update: Yes, it got done on time - see blog above.]

Some proposed ideas are still floating out there, most no closer to shore than before: BPT - Who-Do-the-Voodoo-Doll Part 2, new interactives, new Big Brethren, new Nightmare Hour, and possibly a card game.

Ironically, the parody I'm working on now has been rattling around inside my head longer than all the ideas above - it's just based on a more recent commercial of a long-running and very-annoying advertising campaign.

This new animation is also a good sign for those that like the non-Quickie stuff - while the parody commercial itself is a Quickie, it will be inserted as a commercial for new BPT and Nightmare Hour episodes. Plus, it's dialogue-based, as opposed to the B.E. music video format that most Quickies take.

March is sure to bring a new episode of something - I'd like to avoid another month of nothing but Quickies, but as long as I keep serving up the B.E. on a regular basis, none of us will starve.

The new video will appear on Suckermouth as soon as it is completed, and an edited version will be posted at:

Embarrassingly, I also now have a twitter account, which I hope to start using to announce content updates (a.k.a new cartoons!). Follow Suckermouth at

Hopefully this Twitter thing goes better than my short-lived exodus into the world of Second Life...